They voted me off of the island.
Yep...i got kicked out b/c of non compliance or whatever the hell it is. Basically it was a select shitty person who didn't want me there and basically it was the one that was fucking with all of the rules that did it. Good lord man. So what happens?? She ends up moving out anyway....and I?? What happened to me? I got a really sweet place to live and an awesome roommate. I no longer have to be guided by rules and regulations and I can go about being a normal adult, in a normal world, and have a normal place to live...whatever that means.
Also....I got a promotion!! Yep that's me moving on up in the world. I like being seen for what I can do in life instead of seeing others for what they can do for me and that is what I did for so long. I wish that people would understand that my attitude toward my life and my work is not to be serious all of the time, but to take it seriously. I know that recovery is supposed to be fun and I do have fun, but not at the expense of me looking like i am an idiot....or acting 12 when i am clearly 33, even though i don't look like i'm a bit over 20.
I call bullshit on that previous statement.
I mean you can be an addict all of your life. You don't have to have it BE your life. I love recovery and what it has done for me and I love the house that I lived in because of what it did for me. But I, in many ways am the same person that I was before I became such a fucking disasterous drunk. I know that I have to do things differently now. I have gotten so many of the things that I have lost back, and am getting more back every day. What I did lose doesn't have a price tag, but is the most expensive thing of all.....and i'll be damned if i am going to let my selfishness cost me that again.
Being an addict is something that you can't control. But once you learn the tools of how to take care of your addiction and you let all of that go out of the window, then that ladies and gentlemen is all of your fault and no one else's. No life isn't fair, and once you stop drinking it's not like you won some prize and everything will be OK. That isn't how life works. Things are pretty much still going to suck ass sometimes. I personally prefer dealing with things sober now, then dealing with them when I was a hot mess. Clearly any good idea that i thought that I had probably was A TERRIBLE idea to begin with. Even sober some of my ideas pretty much suck.
So i have six months now S O B E R.....that's right. NO drugs or alcohol. That also means no pot or zanax (for all of those concerned with my choices other than alcohol). This does not include all of the caffeine, nicotine, and energy drinks that i can sometimes cram into my body to stay awake. Staying sober takes energy, and who would have thought it but so does being a responsible adult.
Now i am the first person to say that I thought that i would never be clean this long. Let's count back to all of the detox, drug rehabs, and hospitals that i have been a frequent flyer to the past 3 years...OK lets not do that. Anyway you get my point. There is a point...everyone has this point that you just can't take it anymore. And I couldn't take the hurt, and despair that I was essentially causing myself and blaming others for. All of the people that I cared about and lost. I thought that it was them...NO NO it was you Jaime it was YOU that made your life a hot mess.
Anyway....Today my life isn't a hot mess and I am happy. I am happy in my own skin and I like it. Take that back.
I love it.
