Life doesn't pull out a giant "feel good" sign once you have quit drinking. Quite possibly it throws things in your path. Gravel, rose petals, and bacon wrapped shrimp.
I've had all kinds of things happen in my life over the past 2 months. Which is probably why i feel like my head has been shoved into a fish bowl....glub glub....
I ended a relationship with someone that i care a great deal for. Care can not signify long term relationship status and where a long time ago that would have been enough for me, today it is not.
What i need is________. Good question. I cannot answer what I do not know. I know a lot of things. I know that i love to feel love. I know that emotions suck. I know that my emotions/feelings change as almost as frequently as the tide.
There are some things that are constants. Things that have gone away but have never really left. Things that i destroyed in a wake of self destruction that had such an impact on the people that were around me, that loved, and cared for me. I do have a huge effect of people's lives. It's almost selfish for me to think that i don't. That people never cared for me and that what i was going through effected others just as much (if not more) than if effected me.
Do you go back for things that you once held so close to your heart, knowing that you are the one that let it go? Even if that wasn't your intent your actions did that, so in effect it is your choice.
Feeling so right, what is normal or what used to be my normal comes crashing in on me like an unexpected wave upon the beach.
If you are given that choice again...given that choice.....it is a very special thing. It's like a butterfly - so fragile- It's wings of the finest blown glass. You treasure it. You take it for what it is worth. A gift. A treasure. Every moment that i have is a treasure.
Every moment cannot be as good as bacon wrapped shrimp, but I can sure try.
