It's not even a B movie.

I seem to be stuck in the same conversation.  You can call it life it you want, but i prefer to call it a B movie.  It's one of those movies that leaves you hanging.... You're like WHAT???  This clearly can't be the end.

Of course it's not.  It's my life. 

Over the course of the past nine months I have learned some very valuable lessons.  The main one is to never trust anyone, and the second (yet very most important) is not to put your heart out there.

This may sound like rules for a hooker..streetwalker...or prositute.  Hey i have never been down on those girls and most of them are very smart.  The ones I met in rehab were anyway.

It's both fortunate and unfortunate to meet people.  Cue plastic bubble please. 
         *** or one of those little tiny violins that people use when they don't feel sorry for you.


I have had the misfortune to have almost two of the almost exact same conversations with two totally differant people over the last two weeks....

Which makes the whole dead person stuck in my fridge dream seem like a frolicking through a meadow of daisies barefoot kind of dream.

All i know is that all I can be is me.  I am happy with that.  Today I am anyway.  I cannot put blame in people for moving on with their lives while I try to mend my very own freaking disaster. 

I would call it a disaster of epic proportions, but that's just me.  I tend to overexaggerate but it's my life and my blog so i can..... well I just can.

I am glad to be sober today.  Sometimes i'm like damn I need a drink, but i swear you couldn't make this stuff up if you were fucked up.  It would be to hard.  Like a chore.  Much like raking leaves.  No matter how much you do it (over and over) there are still leaves. 

Mostly before i was the cause of all of the drama I had in my life.  The drama is still there.  And yes CARRIE... I tend to bring most of it on myself.  How could i not?  Do i not answer the phone?  Do i not leave the house?  At least now I am aware of the terrible and not so terrible mistakes i am making.

I says to myself... Self:  Are you making a bad decision?  Self:  Yes Jaime you are making a very bad decision.  Self:  Well I always learn the hard way.  Damn. (or you could insert amy's voice)

How can I always be so right, and always be so wrong???

Let's take family for a minute.  Where do they come from?  Who gives them to you?  Did I pick a short straw?  Was I a serial killer in a former life?

Who ever was in charge on handing out families on the day I was born....Sucks!

Minutes over.

Well, i'm at the end of my rant.  You know i've had that thing... that stop you in your tracks... heart pounding moment in your life... several times.  The good kind.  And it's there, it's still there for me.

All i have to do is press the play button to see how this B movie turns out.  Maybe it's not a B movie afterall....... A tragic love story maybe?  Who knows.  But in the meantime.... I think I'll grab a bag of popcorn and watch.